I'm Not Crazy, You're Crazy!
by BPES
Summary: Weiss couldn't be sure just what small pocket of hell Ruby had found this eerie irregularity in, but she did know one thing for certain. It had to go, no matter how much her silver eyed leader begged. (Humour crack fic, do not take it too seriously)


**Small Author's note here, Hello everyone BP here with the first story I've written in a long long time for . it's just a little bit of fun but I do hope you all enjoy it ;) **

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"No!"

The word was sharp, strict and utterly unfaltering; nothing less than expected from the Heiress to one of the largest Dust producers in all of Remnant, and one that did not allow for any argument. Unfortunately, standing in opposition to this statement was Ruby Rose, who had long since grown accustomed to the tone to the point of retaliation, despite the clear problem at hand.

"But Weiss look at him. He's so _cute!_" Ruby whined holding up the abomination.

Weiss took an instinctive step back and mustered her most withering glare at the monstrosity that had somehow deceived its way into Ruby's good books. The thing was staring at her with such beady, unfeeling eyes that Weiss began to feel somewhat nauseous. As if sensing this Weiss could swear she saw it smirk, or as close to a smirk as the little monster could get anyway.

"I said NO Ruby. Get rid of that, that THING before it does something sinister." Weiss ordered firmly, though Ruby just rolled her eyes and huffed. Of all the times to act like a child, the little brat chooses now? When their very lives were at stake? No perhaps it wasn't all her fault, who knows what kind of devilish enchantment that beast possessed.

"It's just a kitten Weiss. And a really _cute adorable fluffy little kitten too_." Ruby began gushing as the small horror mewled contentedly. Weiss glared with a renewed fire at that. Oh it may LOOK like a harmless little ball of fluff, but Weiss knew. She could FEEL the pure, pitch black evil rolling off the atrocity in waves. How Ruby hadn't noticed could only mean she'd fallen thrall to its wicked ways.

"No it is NOT 'just a kitten' Ruby. That thing is a monster and it needs to go! NOW!" Weiss reinforced her stance as Ruby tried to unleash her horrifically devastating 'puppy dog eyes' on Weiss. Weiss could feel the daunting pressures that look gave off, crushing her will and resolve against its silver might. But, Weiss had sworn to be the best teammate Ruby had ever had, and that meant freeing her from the clutches of that little hellion.

"What's a monster now?" A voice both curious and amused jumped into the conversation. Weiss gave a sparing glance at the source, the buxom blonde brawler Yang Xiao Long. Blake was next to her as well with a less amused look, in fact she looked rather expectant about something. Weiss turned her focus back on Ruby and her hell spawned fluff ball and pointed accusingly at it. The newcomers followed the prompt and stared at the little abnormality.

"It's…. a kitten?" Blake asked looking more confused now than anything else. Perhaps she could sense it too? Then all they needed was for Yang to realise and then…

"Awwww~! It's so _CUTE_~!" Yang Squealed and immediately rushed to her sister to pet the blasted creature. Weiss growled a little; trust Yang to get caught by the horror's tricks.

"Weiss won't let me keep him." Ruby announced downheartedly. Weiss felt her heart pang with guilt at the tone, but it was for her own good, all of their own goods really.

"Whaaaat?" Yang asked incredulous turning a skeptical look at Weiss who met her gaze levelly.

"Don't be fooled Yang, that thing is evil." Weiss stated simply. Blake and Yang shared a brief look before Yang looked at the wretch, which mewled in response. Then the blonde had the audacity to laugh uncontrollably, falling onto her partner's bed clutching her stomach. Weiss fumed and clenched her fist. What was wrong with everyone today?

"Have you got something against cats?" Blake asked with that patented frown on her face. Weiss felt her eye twitch at the question. Hadn't she and Blake gotten over their differences already? Of course they had, Weiss had seen to it herself. This must also be the creature's doing. Refocusing her glare on it she addressed Blake's enquiry.

"Of course not, but that thing is a blight on all things good in the world. It needs to go." Weiss explained, her glare intensifying as it snuggled closer in Ruby's arms, the filthy little-

"Ohh I get it!" Yang suddenly chimed in. Finally realised its evil schemes have you? Perhaps there's hope for us yet Yang. "You're just jealous that it's taking Ruby's attention away from you. Awww~."

"W-WHAT?!" Weiss shrieked indignantly as Yang's grin widened. What was that blonde idiot thinking? Jealous? Of this Heresy? To add insult upon insult Blake actually started laughing, albeit lightly and hiding it behind her hand. And there was Ruby giving that look of understanding, or rather misunderstanding. God Dammit Yang! "That's not it at all! It's EVIL! Blake, you can tell right?"

"Calm down Weiss, no need to feel so threatened. I'm sure Ruby will still spend plenty of time with you." Blake commented with mirth. Weiss was dumbfounded, surrounded by ignorant morons who couldn't see the threat before them.

"A-are you kidding me? All of you? How are you getting taken in by this… by this… this… FIEND!" Weiss once again pointed at the creature which just tilted its head and mewled. It was totally mocking her, she could tell.

"Ok Team RWBY! Vote time!" Ruby announced with her usual pep. This was bad, very very bad. They'd all been suckered by the treacherous demon, which meant one result.

"I say we keep him, I mean look at the little fella. Isn't he just Paw-dorable?" Yang commented earning a groan and a polite laugh from Ruby, clearly the most hypnotised of the lot. "Aww come on it wasn't that bad."

"I agree we should keep him. Perhaps we can raise him as a team, you're always looking for those team building exercises right Weiss?" Blake commented sounding rather logical if it weren't insane to want to keep the atrocity in the first place.

"I'm telling you this is a horrible idea! Our very lives are at risk! Why aren't you listening to me?" Weiss tried valiantly to appeal to her teammates' rationality, but alas the seeds of treachery had been sown by that grey furred devil.

"Ok then it's decided! Let's all say hi to the newest member of TEAM RWBY!" Ruby declared holding the creature aloft like some sort of rare item in Legend of Danda Man. Weiss grimaced as she felt its eyes staring at her, trying to tear her very soul apart.

"I'm not ok with this." Weiss made her last declaration which of course, was completely ignored by the entranced victims.

"You just need a little time to get used to it, that's all." Blake reassured, her rationality once again being clouded by the beast's nefarious wiles. "Why don't you spend a little time with him while we go tell Jaune and the others about our new acquisition?"

"Aww, but I wanted to bring him along." Ruby pouted adorably, causing Yang to spring into action, resting a hand on her precious baby sister's shoulder reassuringly. Too bad she wasn't saving her from the hell spawn in her arms.

"Probably best not to bring the little guy near Nora right away, you know how she gets." Yang said and Ruby paled, nodding in agreement. Weiss was torn between allowing Nora to potentially destroy the irregularity or risk her, and worse, Pyrrha falling under its influence as her team had.

"Weiss, I know you don't like him yet, but please, please try for me?" Ruby asked with a voice so pleading and eyes so sincere that Weiss was surprised the devil feline didn't implode from being in the vicinity of sheer innocence. Though given she was misguidedly asking her to enslave herself to this horror, perhaps it had lost a lot of its effect.

"… urgh, fine." Weiss relented. Ok so the little wretch was immune but Weiss couldn't resist that, only something soulless would even stand a chance. Besides perhaps she could trick the thing into exposing itself. That might work! And so she was left with the abomination, it sitting on the floor by Blake's bed as her team walked out and closed the door behind them.

Weiss was locked into a stare off with the monstrosity that once more left her feeling nauseous and a little dizzy. Those black unblinking eyes were rending her very essence apart and the more she resisted, the worse it became. Even so, Weiss Schnee would not back down from such a fight; she would not allow this beast to do as it pleased. It stood slowly, trying to meet her challenge and so Weiss redoubled her efforts.

It began to move towards her, deliberately, slowly, one evil little paw at a time as the odd pressure threatening to smother the very flame of life within her strengthened. Whatever this thing was it was something ancient, powerful and above all malevolent. It was getting closer, too close and Weiss could feel the panic starting to build. It was going to do something, she was sure, but was she prepared for whatever it was?

"AAAAAAIIIIEEEEEE!" Weiss suddenly screamed, unable to take the approach any more. Launching herself back she clung onto Ruby's hanging bed with one hand and drew her trusty Rapier Myrtenaster with her sword hand, pointing it threateningly at the little fiend.

"Weiss what's wrong?" Ruby said bursting through the dorm door, Crescent Rose out and at the ready. But her darting eyes slowly began to turn from huntress mode to just plain confused. Couldn't she see the little devil threatening her partner? Why was she lowering Crescent Rose?

"Oh you have got to be kidding me." Yang muttered as she arrived on the scene. She wasn't even laughing, but staring with a worried expression. Blake stepped in last and shook her head, unsure of what to make of this even though Weiss thought it fairly obvious. Behind her team she could see team JNPR looking very confused. Normally, with so many eyes on her, Weiss would've taken note of her rather ridiculous looking position.

But this was not normal, that eldritch abomination was still staring at her, mockingly and didn't break eye contact even as Ruby collected the little hellion in her arms, Crescent rose packed away once more. Weiss looked pleadingly at her partner who just looked annoyed.

"What's going on?" Weiss heard Jaune ask, confusion evident in his tone. Yang turned to face him and sighed.

"Oh nothing, just the Ice queen going crazy is all." Yang said with a non-committal shrug. Weiss fumed, the beast once again occupied with enjoying Ruby's arms, little monster. Dropping to the floor Weiss pointed her weapon at Yang accusingly, though clearly not in any battle stance.

"I'm not crazy!" Weiss yelled at her, Yang just held her arms up in mock surrender whilst both she and Blake stared at her trusty Rapier with raised eyebrows. Realising that they were a tad off put, despite her relatively non-threatening pose, honestly if she were going to threaten them with violence she'd be proper about it, Weiss sheathed her blade and folded her arms. "I'm NOT crazy!"

"Yeah not buying it Weiss, you're really losing it here." Yang said looking genuinely concerned. Weiss felt her eye twitching as she looked at the faces of her teammates, and of Team JNPR, all wearing that damned look of pity and concern, completely oblivious to the TRUE threat.

"I'M NOT CRAZY! YOU'RE CRAZY! YOU'RE ALL CRAZY! YOU'RE ALL BEING TAKING IN BY THAT MALIGNANT UNNATURAL CRIME AGAINST LIFE, LIGHT AND THE WORLD AS A WHOLE!" Weiss unleashed all her desperation and fury in an attempt to make them all see sense. Panting to catch her breath after the exertion she looked to see stunned looks from many gathered, save one. Ruby looked downright annoyed, a rare look for her which caught Weiss off guard. "R-Ruby?"

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Weiss sighed as she adjusted her pillow against the hard floor in Team JNPR's room, having been kicked out of her team's dorm by Ruby. Weiss had to admit, that really hurt. Right now she was alone as well, her sympathetic Benefactors having gone to do their own thing, which was Training for Pyrrha and Jaune, he really did need it. And a late night snack raid by Nora, enlisting Ren.

This left Weiss alone, dejected and trying to get comfortable despite the knowledge that her team, particularly Ruby, had all but abandoned her thanks to that accursed hell beast. Oh but this wasn't over, not be a long shot. For Ruby's sake, and Blake and Yang's too. Weiss would save them, of that she swore.

She heard the door creak open slowly and tried to ignore it, figuring it was one of the usual occupants returning. Instead Weiss froze when she heard a deep, unfamiliar voice speak up.

"They'll never believe you."

Weiss glowered at the Grey horror as its eyes glowed red in the darkness, its true nature there for all to see and yet only her there to bear witness. Clenching her fist Weiss glared at it as it made that smug little smirk once more.

"I won't let you get away with this you Fiend!" Weiss challenged but the hell cat just laughed.

"Like you can stop me little girl, I am more ancient than you could imagine, I have existed since before your miserable kind even came to be. So Despair and bemoan your fate, whilst I relish in the comfort of your dear team's affection. At least until I'm done with them." It boasted and Weiss felt her fury peak, her Aura flaring visibly.

"Why you little-" Weiss lunged at the villainous monster but it leapt deftly over her attempt and landed by the door once more, sending one last look over its shoulder.

"I am the Fulcrum! I am the missing piece of the world!" It declared before slipping out of the door. Weiss glared for a moment, her enemy now identified. But this thing, this Fulcrum had no idea just who it was messing with. She was Weiss Schnee, Heiress to one of the largest Dust producing companies in all of Remnant.

And she was also the Best teammate ever! Of all time.

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**And that's all for now, I'm not gonna call this one completed just yet since I might get more ideas for it later on but for now I think it's a nice little piece, R&R if you like and once again, hope you enjoyed. **


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